Beast Wars Best/Worst Beast Warst

Beast Wars is an outstanding show, and I'd like to pay tribute to its greatest successes and most bitter failures in the areas of characters and designs.

It should be understood that all the designs in Beast Wars were a combination of what Mainframe could do with CGI modeling and what Hasbro was modelling the toys to look like. I can and have certainly speculated on what aspects of what characters' designs were attributed to whom but my purpose here is simply to catalogue them, and wax poetic about how cool some of these freaking characters were.

Also, I wanted the lists to be even but there's just too many awesome robots in this stupid show so you have 8 of the best (I.E. most of the cast) and then a list of 6 stupid designs of which most are actually different versions of the same dudes.

Be(a)st Characters/Designs

1.) Optimus Primal V1

Goddamn look how slick this guy is. Streamlined but powerful, Optimus' season 1 form was a fighter and a leader, and it showed. I like that he's not the giant monster Optimus Prime was, and his character follows suit. Optimus Primal is probably the greatest hero in Transformers history; Prime may have fought a much longer war, but Primal had way less at his disposal and managed to save the whole dang planet Cybertron later on in Beast Machines.

2.) Transmetal Rattrap

Man what a cool lookin' beast mode. For whatever reason Rattrap's little roadster mode is a personal favorite, perhaps the only mobility mode of anyone's transmetal form I actually like and for that matter one of the only transmetals I think didn't look totally stupid. Rattrap's journey from smartmouthed d-bag to smartmouthed hero was one I thought was underplayed and underappreciated (and I totally buy his character in the first season of Beast Machines, I don't care what anyone says).

3.) Transmetal Tarantulas

Tarantulas looked like a gigantic dork in season 1, so you can imagine my surprise when his transmetal form looked AWESOME. I mean LOOK at that thing. It's so badass, and fit his character way more. His revealing as a secret Predacon agent (spoilers) gives all his little experiments and machinations a much darker and cooler flavor. I'm bummed he didn't survive longer, he could have been a worse villain than Megatron in the long run (although in post-BM comics continuity the Vok do bring him back, which I support fully).

4.) Airrazor

Let's face it, Transformers is a sausage fest and as a kid I always wondered where the fembots was at. Airrazor is probably my favorite character while the show was on, and the toy I treasured the most. She's a badass chick who totally fell in love with my other favorite character, and their abduction by the Vok was when I started to look at Beast Wars in a more serious light. Unfortunately, she got the butt end of the deal in becoming Tigerhawk, what with contributing next to nothing to him and having exclusively Tigatron's soothing jamaican vocals.

5.) Megatron V1

Watching the first episode of Beast Wars now, the dated (although for the time legendary!) CGI shows in many places, but hot damn does Megatron's beast head look terrifying. It is a testament to Mainframe that the thing looked so damn good. His robot form isn't as amazing by comparison, but compared to the TERRIBLE forms he had later on in BW it's a damn beauty. Megatron's character is also outstanding, a villain of Shakespearean mold who treasures long monologues (to his own T-rex headhand) and subtle plots to the original Megatron's all-out assaults and goofy schemes. Like Optimus Primal, his actions and victories far outclass those of his predecessor, and while the whole "I HATE MY BEAST MODE" thing was kind of overplayed his desire to wipe all individuality from Cybertron was awesome in scope and ideology.

6.) Silverbolt

Good god I loved Silverbolt when he was introduced. Not only is he a wolf and an eagle, but he's a badass knight who is corny as all hell and believes unwaveringly in his sense of justice and goodness. His goofy bleeding heart antics reminded me, and continue to remind me, of myself. Hell yeah.

7.) Transmetal Blackarachnia

Blackarachnia started as a (MUCH better looking) edit of the Tarantulas model, but late in the series she got this badass Transmetal 2 form. Also, she was the first Transformer with clearly defined (and ENTIRELY UNECESSARY) breasts. She was a stone cold bitch in the most awesome way, more devious than perhaps any of the Predacons, so damn devious that she betrayed her entire worldview when a Maximal with giant missles came along (if you get my drift). Her unlikely love affair with Silverbolt was one of the high points of the series, a much more complex relationship than any we'd seen in Transformers or frankly most kids shows, with the relationship testing both parties' emotions and worldviews. Even in Beast Machines when she calmed down a bit she never quite lost her edge, and I think this form shows it best.

8.) Inferno

Inferno is, for my money, the most absolutely badass character in Beast Wars and by far the most hilarious character in all of Transformers. His robot mode just bleeds awesome, and his thorax booster thing is, I'm fairly certain, powered with coolness. He managed to be one of the most resilient and dangerous Predacons, frankly a goddamn beast (ha-HA) in combat. He had the amazingly brilliant character quirk of believing Megatron to be his queen, and referring to him as such. Inferno's demeanor went from goofy to Joker-esque insanity with almost no provocation, and thinking about having to go against him on the battlefield honestly scares the living crap out of me.

Worst Designs (I can't make Worst look like Worst and Wars at the same time pretend I did)

1.) Transmetal Megatron

Awwww, c'mon. This could be worse but he loses all the charm of his original terrifying form. His Transmetal head is really emotive and noble in beast mode but the rest of it is dorky, from the odd choice of bronze for most of his body to the really weird alien head thingy on his robot mode chest. Also, although the hover panels are alright he looks RIDICULOUS when he activates his little foot skates. A rollerskating t-rex is NOT imposing.

2.) Transmetal 2 Cheetor

Man, Cheetor's supposed to look all Wolveriney or something in this form but he just came off as scruffy and ugly. I really like how his Transmetal look was a little more mature to fit in with his character's growth, but this was just awkward.

3.) Transmetal Optimus Primal

What? WHAT? Optimus Primal looked so cool, what did you do to him you bastards?! First of all, his face is uuuugly. SO ugly. Next, well, his arms legs and chest are all ugly too. He's overall a very visually unappealing figure, not to mention that he apparently has a flesh chest while his robot mode is a shiny blue ape (which isn't THAT bad, I guess) who has a hoverboard in his legs. Also, uh. That gun. That. Gun. Are you KIDDING me? In what universe is a gun like that supposed to say anything to the enemy other than that you forgot the big battle was today so you got out your hairdryer? Now I'm not a Transformers gun scientists (I'm getting my degree next year) but I'm not sure how like six inches of metal is supposed to generate a blast stronger than his badass arm cannon from his first form did. It's actually embarrassing to watch him use that thing. You know what while we're at it:

4.) Optimal Optimus Primal

Okay let's be clear on something. I think Optimal Optimus looks so damn cool. He's awesome. But in Beast Wars, a show in which ostensibly animals change into robot guy, the fact that this image was supposed to be a beast mode makes my head hurt. Basically it's his robot mode with the cool parts gone and slumped over, with an inexplicable gorilla head but still like 1400 guns on top. Optimal Optimus was a cool combo between Primal and Prime but that they still tried to sell me on the fact that this guy would go from being a giant robot dude to a giant robot dude with bad posture and a monkey head that serves NO PURPOSE makes me groan so hard my kidneys fail a little bit.

5.) Quickstrike

Okay, so he's a scorpion with a cobra for a tail. That's an AMAZING idea, and his beast mode looks fantastic. So, uh. What happened? Not only do the GIANT WEAPONS on his hands turn to feet, but his feet turn to his hand. A hand made out of flimsy insect legs. It makes so much sense!! In general, his robot mode is just kinda bland and lame. It really just kinda looks like he's doing a handstand in his beast mode. The snake arm is still pretty good, but this dude is just too flimsy to be menacing.

6.) Transmetal 2 Megatron

How do you mess up a got dang dragon? I'll tell you how. You give him the dumbest head of all time, with a six-foot long hood made up of the dragon's tail, for a robot who has routinely put the tails of his giant lizards on his hands to use as weapons. His head is so damn bulky with the thing, and the fact that it's on the end of the tail means that his head is literally his beast mode's ass (watch a video of the toy transforming it's true). What really annoyed me about this though is that it makes NO SENSE. Optimus Primal absorbs some of Optimus Prime's spark and becomes a giant killing machine and partial useless robomonkey. Megatron aborbs original Megatron's spark and turns from a rollerskating dinosaur into a Dragon. A DRAGON. That follows NO logical course, and in fact runs against how things have worked in this series so far.

I will say that his robot mode is independently cool, and that the scene where he emerges from the lava and busts up Tarantulas is amazing.