Spite Club

Okay, so there's this show on Spike where they test different types of historical warriors to see who would win. They test their weapons on dummies and compare how their tactics would work against each other.

I just saw Apache vs. Gladiator and now I'm watching Samurai vs. Vikings.

Now while I love warriors, fighting, and weapons this show makes me angry. For one thing the representatives of each style trash talk way too much. I get what they're trying to do and the individual weapon tests are fascinating and awesome to watch, but they're kind of missing the point.

A samurai isn't prepared to fight a gladiator because their fighting types and weapons were designed to fight whoever they had to fight. You have to consider context when you think of this shit. Just now they showed that katanas can't cut through chain mail.

Well sure, that's a given. Samurai didn't develop weapons to fight chainmail because there wasn't anyone using chain mail to fight against. Karate came about because poor Okinawan villagers had to learn to fight samurai using their hands and farming tools.

Am I the only one who sees the futility here? If vikings started raiding samurai villages not only would the samurai have developed countermeasures but so would the vikings! They would have learned how to fight each other.

Instead, what we have is a dumbass machofest where they use some awesome tests to try to outdo each other instead of focusing on the truth which is that every type of warrior has strengths and weaknesses but is still awesome in the end.

Anyway the truth is I'd win because not only am I a ninja but I'm a goddamn Spartan.

Ain't nobody wanna mess with that shit.

EDIT: Okay now they're doing Spartans vs. Ninja and I literally could not be more conflicted. Life is tough for a weaboo warrior...........