Man it's goddamn hot

Readers!

How are you?

This blog is coming to you from several hours south of where most of you live. I am in Florida for a few days, an all-too-rare vacation. I am currently stealing internet from some bloke named Jeff, assuming he didn't name his network after someone hypothetical that he imagined owns his internet. In such a case I suppose we're both beyond help.

Having said that, Jeff, I'm sorry for siphoning your netz and I hope I'm doing it in such a manner that you are not inconvenienced or preferably even aware, and if it makes you feel any better the signal is so weak and intermittant that every time I click on a website I do a tribal dance to encourage the god of the internetz to bless me with an actual loading.

Part of me likes not knowing if I'll be able to do anything moment to moment. It's kind of exciting in an intensely irritating way.

What have I been doing, you ask?

Sleeping. I have been sleeping all the goddamn time. I have been sleeping so often I'm not even entirely certain the parts inbetween are real and maybe I'm just in a goddamn coma back in Simsbury. I'm not a sleeper really, I guess my body is taking this chance to make up for how terribly I treat it.

The other thing I've been doing a lot is reading Russell Brand's autobiography, which I bought in the airport book store because I needed something to read and he has a rather funny look about him and he's pretty funny and the book promised to be mostly about sex and drugs, and I'm currently writing a story in which both are pretty important but as I have never done one and don't do nearly as much as I'd like of the other I figured it'd be nice.

The thing about autobiographies is that it's kind of an asshole thing to do. I realize that writing that sentence in my goddamn blog is really hypocritical but there's a huge difference between some twit writing about the O.C. on the internet and someone who has published a real live book. Honestly I think most people have lead interesting lives and their stories are probably really good but when I was looking at the little autobiography section they had set up all I could think about was how little I wanted to know about any of these people trying to tell me to pay for the privelege of telling me about themselves.

Anyway looking for novels stresses me out so I got Russell Brand's autobiography and it's really good. It's written in colloquial British and it turns out he's actually a really good writer, and has led a hell of an interesting life. I've been devouring the thing, I've read 226 pages since yesterday morning when I got it. I love UK slang with a burning passion, and also there's lots of unbelievable stories and a tutor sticking his finger up Russell's bum when he got an answer right so he stopped going. Being engrossed in the language is taking its toll, last night I started thinking in goddamn British before I fell asleep.

It makes me feel terribly boring though, not necessarily because I don't do heroin (although let's be honest how interesting would that make me in context) but because I'd love to have people paying to read about me but I don't think an entire chapter on how I get debilitatingly nervous in the self-checkout line when someone is behind me is really something people are going to pay money for.

I've had about a thousand things that I thought would make excellent blog posts but I can't remember most of them. I see where a twitter-like thing on my phone would be useful in these cases but I don't think people are going to read four paragraph twits on how I find my American and European sensibilities in constant combat, and probably it only lets you type a few lines at a time anyway.

Here is part of a conversation that describes where I am and what I did today:

davidlinc1: where are you like miami
Suppai no Iruka: New Port Richey
Suppai no Iruka: It's near Tampa
davidlinc1: that sounds maine-y
Suppai no Iruka: And Tarpon Springs, where the first Greeks came to america to fish for sponges
Suppai no Iruka: That's not even a little bit a joke
davidlinc1: wow
Suppai no Iruka: The place is fucking crazy with sponges
davidlinc1: well what use DON'T greeks have for sea sponge
Suppai no Iruka: Like A: anyone uses natural sponges
Suppai no Iruka: And B: anyone wants them associated with our fucking culture
Suppai no Iruka: Also we went to disney toda
Suppai no Iruka: well Epcot
Suppai no Iruka: Disney's geeky older brother
davidlinc1: LOL
Suppai no Iruka: He's in college and he's gonna have a great career but
Suppai no Iruka: You're already getting more sex than him and you're in 8th grade
davidlinc1: LOOOOOOL
Suppai no Iruka: Actually it was pretty sweet
Suppai no Iruka: I saw Snow White in Germany
Suppai no Iruka: so
davidlinc1: snow white in ger-
Suppai no Iruka: Yeah
davidlinc1: what
Suppai no Iruka: I was eating bratwurst at the time
davidlinc1: I love bratwurst
davidlinc1: where they take a brat
davidlinc1: then cook the worst of it
davidlinc1: and the brat learns to be good
davidlinc1: .......................................


Actually I should apologize to this young girl, she kept screaming that Snow White was there but I couldn't damn well see her and it's dangerous for princesses to be walking out in the open that far from the Magic Kingdom so I dismissed her and while I didn't think anything particularly rude at her she was totally right and I was wrong and apparently blind but I had been up for like 6 hours and hadn't yet eaten.

Also I have to say Disney is a place where you can open your eyes and at any moment at all pick out the happiest and most depressed children in the world. It's kind of disconcerting how many miserable kids I noticed, even in proportion to all the families making magic memories and stuff.

Well there you are, readers, and that's a post you can take to the goddamn bank, although I don't know that they'll actually give you anything for it. Right now it's roughly four thousand degrees and I am listening to a bloc party song on repeat and wondering if I should work on this story I started last night, the second set of drawings I've not even started on, or sleep even though it's only 12:30 and I slept for like 3 hours this afternoon.

I hope you're all doing well, and I shall be back on Thursday for any of you that wish to, as the kids are saying, "hit me up."

NOW BONCE OFF YA LITTLE WANKAH