Secret Origins (Part 1)

Perhaps it would be fitting, at this juncture, to discuss myself. I believe, dear reader, that you should know whom it is you worship, to know the nature of the being you so covet in your heart.

Like most Greek youths, I burst forth from my father's thigh, fully formed, armed with both shield and spear. I was, however, born in America, so for legal reasons there are records of me being "born" in a "hospital."

Anyway, when I was 2 I felled my first enemy, a lion that had invaded my home to steal the horde of gifts that accompany Greek births. I grabbed it by the tail and hurled it into the sun, where it now awaits me, gaining solar powers until the day it returns to finish the job.

I'm waiting, lion. Anywhere, any time.

Anyway fast forward. Literally, a thousand years in the future. See, I accidentally turned too fast on my bike and was hurled into the future, where I had to liberate Ohio from the Glogonauts who had taken over most of America. Turned out the Ohians were actually the evil ones and had taken advantage of my time travel amnesia. I eventually snuck into their base and exploded the chronobomb, sending me back to my time.

I decided to go undercover and raise myself as a normal child. I read comics and played video games, resisting human contact so that no one could discover I was secretly a hardcore badass. I assumed a "nerd" persona, elegantly fooling all I came across. As I walked down the avenues with my headphones on, blasting downbeat contemplative music and avoiding eye contact, I smiled inside, knowing that my true nature would reveal itself when the time was right.

I'm kidding, of course. I don't actually know how to ride a bike.